New Beginnings

dsc05880Starting a new semester and schedule is never easy; in fact, it’s quite a challenge. Nobody likes change, especially change that comes with so much pressure. Coming back to school after winter break was a challenge. Knowing I’d be going back to a brand new routine, topped with cooking for myself, doing dishes and being on my own  once again was tough, especially after spending a great month with my family. Being at the tail end of a bad stomach flu certainly didn’t help either.

When I got back to school, my inner ambitious perfectionist kicked in and I decided that my schedule wasn’t good enough. During registration, I had been determined to take the most challenging classes and pursue a pre-med track, even though I currently have no idea what I want to do with my life. I started dropping classes and trying to add new ones, which, to my horror wasn’t possible because every interesting class was closed! The classes that weren’t closed had waitlists that I joined, despite being place 7-38 in line.  My entire first week was spent in a panic. I had early morning classes and barely slept. I was swamped with biology homework and had no time for the gym or the barn. I was absolutely miserable.

After a great inauguration weekend, a miracle happened. I found an open class that I was interested in and I got off the waitlist into another. I finally gave myself a break and dropped biology. Since doing so, a great weight feels as it has been listed off my shoulders. I am sleeping well, Facetiming friends again, and back in the gym. After a stressful week wondering if I’m doing enough to explore my options and wondering if I’m being too ambitious or too lazy, I finally have closure. This semester I am going to focus on myself. I’m going to make sure I get enough sleep and take time to do my work for each class well. I’m going to explore my options and go home as much as I can. I am going to focus on making good friends and thoroughly adjusting to life away from home so my future transitions will be much smoother.

No matter how many times I go through it, change is still scary. Starting a new semester and therefore a new routine is challenging and uncomfortable but it’s something we all have to do sometimes. Practice makes perfect. In a way, I have conquered another first, perhaps the most daunting type of change. Although I’ve already experienced my first time moving away from home and my first semester of college, I’d never experienced moving back to college after being home for a long period of time before now.

New beginnings are hard and stressful. You don’t know if you’re doing enough or sometimes even what to do. They’re the worst,  but there isn’t anything that any of us can do about it. All we can do is plow forward and do our best, be our best selves and most importantly be kind to ourselves and relax. There’s no point in getting worked up over nothing, no matter how significant that thing may seem at the time. It’s just waisted energy and a waisted appreciation of the great potential of a new beginning.

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