Bachelor Recap: Night 1

Last night, The Bachelor premiered in the most drawn out ordeal ever. They kept going live from watch parties for the entire first hour of the show instead of showing the actual footage! I’m honestly upset about how many scenes got cut out, like when Colton talked one-on-one with the girl who faked an Australian accent to get his attention. Honestly, I don’t see why girls are so eager to go on the show. If they want to date a guy who is dating multiple other girls, they can date literally anyone in real life, no audition or camera crew necessary! I love the Bachelor franchise, partly because it is the epitome of trash television. It’s so bad, I can’t look away. It’s the perfect mind-numb after a long day and never fails to entertain. I couldn’t help but jot down and share my thoughts from night one of Colton’s season of The Bachelor.

okkkkk

For starters, why did they show so many clips of Colton topless in the shower. Literally no one wants to see that!

Please get to the point, this live stuff is boring me.

Finally, we’re meeting the girls. Wait… Why did a girl just announce that her Mom is in federal prison on national television!?!?! Now she’s calling the prison… Oh. My. God.

Does anyone actually care that he’s a virgin… really?

Now they’re showing clips of success stories and their kids. Lauren and Arie’s baby is going to be the cutest!

Yes Chris Harrison, Crystal is definitely pregnant while sitting in that hot tub *eye roll*

We are an hour in and the show hasn’t even really started. It’s now 9:00pm. Let’s get on with it already! Please, Bachelor franchise, NEVER do this again!!!

Who is this random man proposing? This is so irrelevant.

Some of these girls have (not so) great pick-up lines, especially the girl who goes “I haven’t dated a virgin since I was twelve.”

Why did a girl just gift Colton her dog? Is she kidding? How are the producers allowing this?

Oh my goodness… A girl just rolled up dressed as Cinderella in a horse-drawn carriage. She’s so extra…  This is how I would like to be transported everywhere from here on out!

The girl who’s faking the Australian accent is inspiring me to adopt a strange accent every time I meet someone new, genius!

Now they’re interviewing Becca and Garrett and what a shock, Becca won’t let poor Garret speak! He needs to get out while he still can. Maybe he’s waiting two years so they can keep the ring and he can pocket half its worth.

Catherine needs to stop interrupting, she’s so annoying. “Fourth time’s a charm?” Just no.

Wait, he keeps the girl with the bad lip injections who gave him her dog (Catherine) but sends Cinderella home? What the heck, Colton!

To conclude, after night 1, I predict that the top 4 will be Caelynn (Miss North Carolina, who he kissed), Katie (who he also kissed), Hannah B (Miss Alabama), and Hannah G (who got the first impression rose)!

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