Bachelor Recap: Week 2

I’m pretty late getting up this week’s Bachelor recap. My first week back at school has felt extremely long and getting back into a routine is feeling pretty impossible at the moment. Nonetheless, I managed to catch up on all the TV I’ve been loving lately (The Bachelor, The Good Doctor, A Million Little Things, Blue Bloods, The Goldbergs, etc.) and honestly cringed for the two hours that made up week 2. Fair warning, if you hate the Bachelor or didn’t see the episode, this might not make any sense.

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The episode begins with a group date focusing on everyone’s firsts. The girls are expected to tell a funny story of one of their firsts in front of a crowd. Why are they all talking about the first night? Do they not have actual lives or experiences?

This is starting to get good. An audience member just rolled his eyes at Catherine, and to be totally honest, I did too. It might just be the editing, but she isn’t even trying!

Demi is up. She’s very bold to say the least, claiming to be all about building women up while actually playing mind games with everyone in the house. I feel like a lot of people are going to hate her, but I love her. Dare I say she almost made this episode tolerable to watch! I’m not loving how she used the story of her first to publicly force Colton to kiss her though… They clearly have no connection. She seems to be here to keep things interesting.

Now Demi is picking up the rose and Tracy is freaking out about it and calling her a CHILD. Tracy, I don’t care how old you are, you’re being more immature by being so easily offended. Why are you obsessing over this!

Ok, I’m sticking my prediction that Hannah G is going to be in the final 2.

It’s been two group dates and Nicole is ready to marry Colton. Seriously? Calm down. He has 29 other girlfriends.

Hannah B, Miss Alabama is now going on an individual date with Colton. This date was so uncomfortable to watch. She’s being so quiet and awkward and keeps saying “birthday.” She also can’t come up with a toast. Has pageant life taught her nothing?

Oh no, this is too awkward. The editors added cricket chirps and everything. And now she can’t think of anything to say so she’s poking him in the eye in an attempt to remove a loose eyelash. Did they not have a single conversation this whole date? How can she claim this was the best date of her life?

After this date, I would take back my prediction that she’ll make it to the end but I think it might be the show trying to throw us off. She’s acting like Lauren did with Arie on several dates and they ended up married at the end of it all.

Now that Hannah’s time is over, the girls are going on a group camping date and competing against each other to get more time with Colton in the form of an overnight. The girls are freaking out and keep describing the date as “intimate.” We need a new word because sleeping in two different houses definitely isn’t intimate, calm down everyone.

Why is Heathers job listed as never been kissed? Is that a fancy way of spelling u-n-e-m-p-l-o-y-e-d?

No one on the yellow team looks like they’re of interest to him anyway, so I’m glad they lost. They cheated too!

It’s strange that the girls this season are forming an old versus young dynamic. Women of varying ages isn’t a new thing on the show, so why is this suddenly a strange rivalry?

The show ends with a cocktail party and rose ceremony, which went pretty much as expected.

The girl with the horn needs to go home, so annoying. What’s worse and more obnoxious is the girl who was interrupted with the horn banging on a plate to get revenge.   Dishes were made for eating off, not banging!

And another girl picked an eyelash off of Colton’s eye. This seems to be a theme of the show. Watch out, Hannah B, some girl just stole your move!

Demi is back, determined to make this show entertaining and play mind games with the other girls. Naturally, she’s wearing a robe over her dress to make them think something scandalous is going on when nothing is. This is hilarious,  like when Jordan showed up to one of Becca’s cocktail parties in golden underwear.

When talking to Colton, Elyse gave a whole speech about how she’s older than everyone and therefore wiser, yet keeps calling “rock, paper, scissors” “paper, rock, scissors.”

Now Tracy, who also brags about being older and more mature is crying like a baby for being interrupted when literally every other contestant on the show ever has also been interrupted. Classic! I love how much Demi is getting to her, hopefully this rivalry continues for the next couple of weeks before Colton sends them home and we find them this summer on Paradise.

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